Pride and Me

“You just seem to have it all together.”

I have heard this compliment, many times, yet the Holy Spirit has moved it to a point of conviction. It’s a trigger point telling me, “I need to level with this person.” Here is a small bit of transparency.

What I do have “together,” is only by the grace of God through the covering of the person of Jesus Christ. Not to mention “only” a small portion of my life is “together” some of the time.

At least according to my finite perspective. But the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and all of His I Am-ness are mixed in,I am blown away. His plan and my plans don’t always agree. Can anyone relate here?

Sometimes God calls us to stay in uncomfortable situations. Sometimes situations are down right painful.
Sometimes it’s not just sometimes. Sometimes these times go on for a long time; days, weeks, months, years, a lifetime.

My heart breaks. So much pain facing so many. Everything begins running together and surmounting such to a point that it’s hard to see God’s hand in it. Yet I know it is there.

Financial Pain. Physical pain. Emotional pain. Relational pain. Spiritual pain. Sometimes the pain of and in this life seems unending.

Let’s not forget, PAIN HURTS.

Too often I try to act as though it doesn’t. I pull away from the emotion. I fake a smile while on the inside my heart is silently crying. My pain bleeds over into and onto others through my actions, or words.

I worry such about my own brokenness, because I feel I need to be strong for others. And God whispers, “it’s through brokenness that Jesus reaches people.”

I am not a stranger to pain. But very few have actually seen my sadness. I’m not talking silent managed tears. I’m talking the ugly, sob my heart out through my eyes, tears. Why is this?

One word. One dirty, five letter, “P” word. PRIDE.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Psalm 34:18

But if you will not hear it,
My soul will weep in secret for your pride;
My eyes will weep bitterly
And run down with tears,
Because the Lord’s flock has been taken captive

Jeremiah 13:17 (NKJV)

Pride is me putting me, and my circumstance, before God and His will for my life. Pride is making finite flesh bigger and God smaller, not only my own flesh but others. My pride is a stumbling block.

Father, I rejoice, praise, and cry with You for the togetherness and for the turmoil. For I trust You are working in it all. As I move forward, may the humility and meekness of our Lord, Your Son, Jesus Christ be displayed to the world through His Holy Spirit alive in me. Help me Father place my boast, and my pride only in You.

About Kelly Harris

Mother of two, care-taker of many, with a passion for faith, family, and friends. Blessed beyond measure to journey together in this thing called life along side my High School sweetheart, Dustin.
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